"Spiritual AWOL?" by J.E. Rose

What does it mean to stand firm in the faith when your knees are knocking?

A Reflection on Ephesians 6:13

My dad was a faithful man of God, serving as a pastor for nearly 60 years. The last few years of his life were tolerable, as far as health challenges (though he died from a stroke at the end). Though I suspect the hardest challenge for him at the end was not his body but his soul. As is the case for so many men, performance is the measure of their usefulness and usefulness becomes the measure of their self-image. Dad was able to serve others until his last weeks but not like he had before. It’s an old and familiar story and I make no claim that my dad had it any worse than others. 

I’m using this to set up the “real” part of my story: a perspective shared with me about Dad after he had died by a pastor friend of mine reflecting on Dad’s life and demise. My friend, Don Galardi, a pastor for 40 years, noted of my dad that he “stayed at his post until the end when God dismissed him…” I was deeply touched by the imagery at the time. It was such an apt description of an old “soldier” who could do very little as the death spiral was underway. But one thing he could do and did: stood at his “post”. He didn’t go “AWOL” even at the end.

Don's words about my dad encouraged me. But, in recent months of my own age-related struggles, I’ve begun to consider them for myself. Specifically, I’ve asked myself the question: Am I standing at my post until I am dismissed by my commanding officer? I’m not as frail and infirm as Dad (at least for now!) but the spiral of death and decline has begun and with that a temptation to go AWOL–Absent Without Leave. This got me thinking in a different way about the familiar statement in Ephesians: 

¹³ Therefore put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand (Ephesians 6:13)

The military imagery is unmistakable and poignant to me. Having three sons who’ve served in the military I can definitely appreciate the phrase “stand.” And, knowing my own weaknesses in intense, high stress situations, I can also shiver a bit at the alternative: NOT standing, especially when standing guard in a combat situation. The entire safety of the unit relies on it. One son told a story of a guy who fell asleep at his post in the middle of the night and, when discovered, reaped the consequences. I suspect that happens a lot more than we would imagine. Though in my Vietnam Era Mind, “AWOL” typically conjures up stories of running to Canada rather than falling asleep at 2 AM, it is essentially the same thing: NOT standing at his post until dismissed. My dad did not go AWOL. What about me? 

In reflecting on the command in Ephesians I’ve been thinking more carefully  about what it means to “‘stand.” I can’t give you all the references Paul makes to this basic concept. I know there are many of them. I also know the broader theological doctrine that encompasses it: the perseverance of the saints. I never connected the reformed doctrine of perseverance to Ephesians before but it seems quite clear. And, when viewed in the context of perseverance it puts a very different perspective on my topic of AWOL and standing at your post until the end. 

If you haven’t thought about perseverance much (or lately) let me summarize it briefly. I’ll use the words from the Westminster Confession: 

Those whom God has effectually called and regenerated by His Holy Spirit can neither totally nor finally fall away from the state of grace; rather, they will certainly persevere in that grace to the end and be eternally saved.

My dad was a Baptist all his life and would not comfortably call himself a reformed calvinist. I think he would have agreed with the confession on this point, however. He would have called it "eternal security” and emphasized it as not losing your salvation. But Westminster wisely extends the doctrine beyond whether or not someone can lose his salvation. Because of the presence of the Holy Spirit in the lives of those who have been “effectually” (truly) called and regenerated, they will “certainly persevere in the grace to the end.” Where Dad and other dispensationalists got confused is the “why” of this fundamental truth of the gospel. With no disrespect to my dad, he failed to understand that the basis for perseverance of the saints ( eternal security), and the promise they will never fall away, was who holds on to whom. It isn’t our ability to hold on to God in the battle. It is God’s ability to hold us. 

Here is where I want to apply it to standing at your post until the end. The strength and ability to do what my dad did was not his. It was the Spirit of God living in him. 

But let me bring this closer to home for those of us who find ourselves in “spiritual combat” (the context of Ephesians 6:13). Whatever the “fiery darts” might be, they are real and when we get attacked they cause various kinds of trouble–physical, emotional, spiritual. It is in the midst of those assaults we are tempted to go AWOL. Spiritual AWOL manifests itself in many ways. At one extreme are those who are tempted to reject the faith itself. But AWOL from Christian belief is probably not nearly as common (at least these days) as what we could call “practical atheism”--acting like an atheist would even while claiming to believe. 

I see the temptation in my own life every time I suffer some new physical affliction or emotional distress. I would never doubt God’s existence. But I find myself doubting his care frequently. And when I start to think he does not care about my adversity it is tempting to go spiritually AWOL. 

For me, that often means worry and fear. In other words, spiritual AWOL shows up in me as ‘standing” on my shaky feelings rather than the solid truth God has revealed. But is it fair to call this AWOL. Let’s put it this way: if I am standing at my post and still engaged in the battle, I am standing. It isn’t AWOL to feel the temptations. 

I can imagine the guy my son told me about. Long before he gave in to the temptations of sleep he had  been fighting it. Let’s just give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he really did try to stay awake; to stand at his post. But there came a moment that night when he stopped fighting it and just conked out. He should have kept fighting. No one said it would be easy. 

I have never been in the military and never had basic training. I do know, however, that soldiers are trained how to stand watch. The most important thing is to stay focused on the task and not allow the mind to disengage. Of course, they have trouble with this when they are on post for hours and nothing has happened and it begins to feel like nothing will. So, there is a point when they make an inner calculation that it doesn't matter. Obviously we know it does. But even before succumbing to the temptation they lose a battle of the mind. 

This is how we must view the words in Ephesians. “Having done all to stand” requires “having done all!” Soldiers know they must scan the horizon. They must tell themselves stories. They must drink caffeine! “Having done all” means they rely on their training. And, of course, they remember the consequences of their failure for themselves and the unit. 

I have to admit this “tough talk” about standing guard and about AWOL is not totally comforting, especially knowing my own weaknesses in the past. Like the old hymn said, “prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love…” Does this undermine my quote from Westminster about perseverance? When i am “prone to wander” (emotionally, what I’m calling spiritual AWOL) does that itself prove that I am not called by God? 

No it does not. The real issue, like I said, is not absence of temptation but staying in the fight. Besides, it is not my ability to hold on to God or my duty to him. It is God who holds on to me. Even Paul felt the weakness of his infirmity. He knew that God’s strength was proven not in his own perseverance but in God’s! And that assurance is not a matter of how we feel but the faith that God will do what he promised.